How Ya Gonna Dodge a Nuke?
by SirMandokarla
Summary: Just a little piece, AU, prompted by a question on Reddit. How would a Warframe fare against the military?


The creature fell from the sky in a shower of flame and steel.

We didn't know. We couldn't have known.

The first ones we sent were scientists. That was our first mistake.

The creature, the machine, whatever it was, burst from a coffin in the rubble.

What happened next… We have aerial footage. Satellite images. No actual witnesses.

Something exploded in the debris. Glass and metal or stone or something, white and gold, flew everywhere. Three people died right there. We found one later, with his chest caved in by the force of a piece of whatever hit him. We know it had to be that because of the video and because of how everybody else died.

The first ones were lucky. It was quick. The creature tore out of the dust, barely slower than the explosion itself. Damn thing had a sword. A sword!

Would have been funny, if it weren't for the men and women it killed.

At least it was quick. Efficient. Just… god-damned brutal. We saw it cut through the chest of one man, right through the whole rib cage, going right through and chopping off the head of the woman beside him. The next strike took a man in the eye, straight through his skull. It didn't pull out, though, it just carried right through the man's skull. We found most of his brain on the ground.

We found all of them exactly as it killed them. That's what it did. It just killed them and carried on, like nothing. Two, five, ten people dead in less time than it takes to say.

Well, we called in the damned army! That's what you do when something starts killing people. You get the cops or the police or whoever can damn well hold a gun, and you deal with it.

We had no idea what we were getting into.

The army guys… it wouldn't be fair to say they had better luck. Can't imagine living longer counts as fortune with that thing.

First group came in with assault rifles, had snipers backing them up. Thought we couldn't be too careful, right?

The first rounds hit. You know how it is with soldiers. They're people like you and me. They don't really want to kill anybody. Metal or not, this thing looked human, sort of. Tall, lean, feminine. A bit cat-like, I guess, with these horns or ears or whatever on its head and the way it moved.

Took us forever to start paying attention to how it moved. Can't say we didn't have reason to be distracted.

Then there was its face. It didn't have one. You'd think that would have been enough for the soldiers. But, like I said, they're good guys. Don't really wanna hurt no one, deep down. So most of the first shots missed.

The ones that hit? There's these flashes of light, and the thing stands there, like it's laughing at us. The soldiers stand there, dumbfounded.

Slowly, it puts away this sword, this katana thing it's got, puts it into a sheath on its hip, and it reaches down to its thighs, and I swear, no word of a lie, these pistols - these uzi-looking pistols - just APPEAR in its hands.

The Major gives the order to fire.

Too late.

This damn thing, it screams. You see it on the video, even if you can't hear it. It leans forward and screams and the grass ripples around it. The men cover their ears, you can see some of 'em bleeding right through their hands.

Then it attacks. Really attacks. And here, here's where we all realize, this thing can't be human.

Remember what I said about soldiers? Good ol' boys, every one. Join up for king and country, most of 'em. Don't really wanna hurt nobody. This thing, though. Wherever it's from, whoever it's with, whatever it wants, it's here to kill.

Damn thing ain't nothing more than a walking genocide.

The bullets tear through the soldiers. The snipers, they take their shots. Some of them, they don't even hit the shields - that's those flashes of light, says the tech-heads - but they still just bounce off. The creature's bullets? They don't bounce off nothing. They tear right through. Soldiers diving for cover, getting mowed down in mid-air, or standing behind other soldiers. All dead.

This thing tears through an entire platoon in seconds. It reloads once partway through. Those snipers? Like I said, a few of them hit the damn thing. We think one of them pissed it off. Poor bastard.

Some energy thing, a line of it just appears out of this thing's hand, Spider-man style, and tags one of the nearest snipers, maybe seventy meters back? And then it pulls.

The soldier tore clean in half. I've seen the footage a few times, just to make sure it was real. Docs tell me the force needed for that…

Well, let's just say we should have expected a few of the things that came later.

It heads off after killing these guys. Doesn't steal one of the vehicles or something, just takes off at a run, fast as the bleeding wind, in the direction the soldiers came from. The nearest city.

Never in all of history has an army mobilized so fast. We had choppers in the air in minutes, gunships and aerial troop transport both. Tanks were rolling out of a local base half-loaded with safety checks en route. Protocol, thrown out the nearest window at every turn because we'd be damned if this thing made it to the city in one piece.

I don't care what the history books end up saying, those men did their country proud. They went into a fight knowing nothing except this thing'd just tore its way through a whole platoon and was headed for civvies. So what if there weren't any official orders for some of 'em? Can't court-martial the dead. At least, not that many dead.

Maybe if we'd aimed the artillery better. Maybe if we'd taken it by surprise, we wouldn't be where we are now.

If wishes were horses…

The mortars landed first, haphazard shots from mobile platforms. The hope was to get this thing to go to ground ASAP, keep it from getting closer to the city.

Not a one hit, and the thing didn't slow down a bit. In hindsight, we should have seen it dodging the few that came close.

The choppers came in next. Gattlings opened fire and, when they couldn't hit, missile pods launched. We carpeted that area in death.

Then that line again. That webline, the one made of energy? Well, at this point we had the best surveillance in the world trained on this thing, so we saw it all. It's this faint, silvery-blue, and it latches right on to the side of the chopper, just behind the doors. And then it pulls.

The chopper _jerks_ through the air. Oh, it doesn't go down, obviously. Stable sXXt, choppers. But what this thing must weigh to move one of those things… well, that's another question for the tech-heads, I guess.

Still, like I said, the chopper doesn't come down. So what's the rule, then? Equal and opposite somethin or other. Damn thing practically launches all the way up to the chopper. Slams into its side, and _sticks_ there.

I'd laugh, if I didn't feel so sick right now. I mean, it's an evil, armoured Spider-girl.

What. The. FXXk.

One of the soldiers, bless his soul, leans out of the chopper and tries to shoot the creature.

I think he got a shot off.

Then it reaches up to its back. And, like I said, we had surveillance tech I've only heard of pointed at this thing. So when it reaches up, we see this. Well, one of us does. The general who saw it live, he told me it was like if we were on a page in a book and somebody reached into the next page and pulled something out of it. I don't know what that means, and the only man who saw it all live is dead now. Blew his own brains out hours ago.

Sorry, I… need a moment…

The… where was I?

The gun. Yeah. The gun it pulled from its back, pulled from "the other page". Some massive cannon, diameter of my torso and maybe a meter long.

It points this thing at the nearest tank, down on the ground, and paints the thing with a laser targeter. The general called for evasive action, but there wasn't anything they could have done, not any of them. The thing fired, a god-damned laser cannon, it blasted right through the tank.

Then it reached down - took both hands off the side of the chopper - and grabbed its sword. One swing with the sword glowing like a lightsaber and the chopper's blades were gone.

The rest, all that made it onto the news. Nothing we could do to stop it, until the idiot reporters got too close and got themselves killed, too. The tanks, the choppers, the soldiers, all the systematic destruction with firepower we've never seen before, hundreds and thousands dead in hours, it's the first anyone saw of this thing. And it caused a panic.

At least the city started evacuating. I just wish…

I wish a lot of things.

It got to the city, past the army and the news-copters and all, and we were almost relieved.

Don't look at me that way. You saw what this thing did. The army slowed it down, but we figured the city would be as far as it could go. Think about it. Tens of millions of people, scattered across hundreds of thousands of square kilometers. Every one of them, we thought, safe from this one interloper as long as they could get away fast enough, or hide somewhere in the area, or even just survive long enough for the army to… god, I can't believe I'm saying this… lure the thing away.

We were considering using the army as bait.

Yes, we've given up on that, now. That's why you're here.

Whatever this thing is, it's beyond us now. We've seen it knock over tanks, punch holes in armour plating with its guns and its fists, and kill more people than I've ever met in my life. And then, when it entered the city, we saw the last straw.

It reaches into that fXXking "other page" it has and pulled out this… this fXXking Poke'ball. It starts throwing these things onto the ground, and monsters show up. Machines and ghouls and space-men and other… other things like it. Other armoured creatures. OWAs and OMAs both.

We've given up, sir. We have no other options. This is the very last choice I ever expected to make. The only reason I haven't already tendered my resignation is I can't see myself putting anyone else through this.

I'm sorry, Mr. President.

Turn the key, sir. We have to end this. No matter the cost.


End file.
